Disconnect Equals Growth

I could feel the sense of relief rise from my sister-in-law once she heard the word disconnected. Finally she had a word where she could place her jumbled emotions of not having her son home. You see, he attends the same boarding school as my daughter. My wife’s brother and younger son were both sick with a stomach virus so I called as a cover asking polite informal questions about how they were feeling. It only took two questions before we started talking about our children away at school. As we lamented about the woes of an early empty nest syndrome, I thought back to when I first introduced the idea of boarding school to them. I proposed that boarding school was the best and only option for our children to succeed. Our current school district has only one high school for an extremely large township so I sold them on the idea that our children needed an environment that would recognized their individuality and talents. I convinced them that their son and our daughter needed to be molded into productive people ready for the challenges of adulthood.  I talked them into sending our children away. More guilt.

 My wife and her brother are very close; he’s very protective and supportive. He includes her in his life and if he were to ever move away I know without hesitation or delay that the real estate sign would be on our front lawn the next morning. My wife and her brother are strong of mind and soul and their love runs deep. Once you have gained their trust, you have it for life. But you only get one chance at their trust, love and compassion. My daughter recently told my wife and I that her cousin was the same with her, protective. My prayer is that they develop a bond much like my wife and her brother, that they connect.

When you are separated from what makes you comfortable you are disconnected. It’s the word that my daughter used during one of our recent phone conversation when she expressed through quiet tears how she felt being away from us. She loves her school, okay, she likes her school and will eventually love it i'm sure. She is making friends, understands the material in the class, enjoys field hockey and even has time to study outside of the scheduled two hour evening study hall. But it all seems odd because there is no connection to what she formerly knew. Learning to navigate a new school, new people, new tolerances and expectation on your own is hard. But there must be a detachment for growth to happen. It’s the natural way of life. When a mother gives birth the umbilical cord is separated and mother and child are disconnected physically, but the reattachment I believe happens in the soul.  Even for fathers.