Stay Strong

Yesterday we took our daughter back to school after a wonderful Thanksgiving break. She was home for a full eleven days of laughter, food, and much needed sleep. Her last week of school was a plethora of final exams and long study sessions. Her hard work resulted in making the honor roll and receiving four nominations for Head of School.

As we drove onto the campus we followed the illuminated trail of lampposts to our daughter’s dorm.  From our car we could see the lit Christmas tree sitting on the porch of the otherwise dark home. We were the first to arrive. As we lugged all of her belonging up the flight of stairs to her dorm room we were meet with Joelle our daughter’s roommate’s mother.  Our daughter rushed ahead of us, dumped her things on her bed pleased to be back. We quickly got her settled and said our goodbyes. It wasn’t difficult for either of us to say goodbye. We are all evolving.

Downstairs we discovered that Joelle was waiting for a cab to the Trenton Train Station. Of course I volunteered our services, a gesture that my wife is accustomed to me making.  On our way to the train station I suggested that we stop for dinner and decided on a small quaint Italian restaurant. I only wish I had BYOB. Dinner was fantastic. But what made it better was our discussion on life. You see Joelle is currently undergoing treatment for Breast Cancer. Her spirits remained high and her attitude was more than positive, her attitude was an affirmation that she was going to be okay.  I asked questions that most people would think to personal but Joelle was open and willing to put my curiosity at ease.  My wife listened quietly interested in what she had to say and for once was not embarrassed by my intrusive questioning. Joelle reminded me of how great my life is, of how great her life is because of her illness. It does not define her. Joelle loves to travel and still does; she reads books, watches movies and hangs out with friends. She lives a productive normal life. To see her, one would never know her circumstance. My wife and thoroughly enjoyed our time with Joelle. She is strong, motivated and determined who puts into perspective the real meaning of being thankful during this season. Follow her story at www.caringbridge.org/visit/joellewilliams

Thankful

What I am thankful for

Ø  Our daughter being home for a week to spoil us with her presence and turning our house into a home full of her laughter, loud music and laundry.

Ø  That my parents are alive to witness me getting older and slowly becoming them

Ø  That my wife still enjoys sleeping next to me

Ø  That each time there is a commercial on the television, I can raid the refrigerator

Ø  That I enjoy a large mug of hot coffee on my way to work

Ø  That I can use all of my senses, but according to my wife, I need my hearing checked.

Ø  That I can go to the doctor to have my hearing checked

Ø  God laughs at all of my mistakes because He knows I can do better and encourages me to do so!

Visitng Day

This past weekend my wife and I attended parent teacher conferences. We arrived on time, which according to the school is considered arriving late. Their motto- if you’re not early then your late. Ironically the first conference was with the history teacher, the same teacher that gave our daughter an infraction for her tardiness during the first week of school when she was still learning her schedule. I suppose lateness or rather "on-timeness" runs in our family, most likely from her mother’s side. We sat in the crisp classroom of white walls, world maps, modern desks, a smart board and historical relics carefully placed on the windowsill overlooking the turf football field as she reported on how well our daughter was doing in her class. For the next four hours, we met with her teachers and heard the same report time after time. The common theme was that although she is quiet once she finds her voice and her way, she makes her needs known and communicates effectively. Her literature teacher was most impressed by her language skills, both written and verbal. So much so that he feels confident that she is ready for the Advanced English course in her Sophomore year and with some fine tuning in oral presentation feels that she will be ready for the International Baccalaureate program offered in Junior and Senior year. 

Even with all the positive reports we heard, the one not so nice comment from her Science teacher sticks out like a thorn on a rose for me. His comment, "...she is shy and lacks self-confidence...”. The words smacked my face hard leaving a sting and a bruise. I always knew that she was reserved and at times people confused her as being shy, but lacks self-confidence, wow. I could go on and on with numerous examples of how wrong he is and even let you talk to several family members that would agree with me, but what I find disturbing is how quickly he was to label her.  His assessment was based solely on how she performed in his classroom forty minutes a day five days a week. He didn't look outside of his classroom or perhaps didn't want to see what the other teacher saw, especially her Theater Arts teacher and the aforementioned English teacher.

Recently, on Facebook, a person I "Friended" posted a picture of a man dressed like a woman. He was dressed in a wig that was too big and had on a full face of makeup that perhaps was a tad too much for day wear and his expression on his face was of melancholy glam. There were over thirty comments about how grossed out and downright disgusted people were about this person. He was labeled crazy and a fool and ridiculous. People passed judgment on him just because they could and based their opinion on one photo. Haven't we all taken a bad photo at least once? Imagine if you will, being judged and labeled by one photo, one action or non-action for the rest of your life. I am not naïve in thinking that there are those who set themselves up and deserve certain labels, (i.e. abusers, thieves, murders – you get the picture), but I am speaking of unfair and unwarranted tags that stay with a person. The sad truth is that most of us are labeled. My siblings believe that I am a nervous ninny incapable of handling serious situations. On the contrary, I was a solid pillar of strength during the seven months when my wife cared for her dying mother. Most of my friends call me for advice regarding relationships or children. I have given speeches in front of hundreds of people. I chaired a national committee on multi-culturalism and volunteered for many civic groups and sat on several boards. I even had the audacity to audition as the voice for the Alfac duck and a QVC on-air host. Still I remain a nervous ninny to them. I was labeled for some action or behavior I demonstrated a long time ago or may still demonstrate, at least in their eyes.

My hope is for my daughter and all daughters and sons of the world, to not label one another and if you are, do something to break free from the binds of labels.