Wait.....What?

Two weeks ago my wife decided that we should attend the annual parent party at our daughter’s boarding school. Not only did she feel that our attendance was required, she believed that we needed to be of service and liberally placed our names on the clean-up committee.  By the time I learned of the party and my obligatory commitment there was no room for negotiations, I was going. 

Once we pulled up to the valet parking and had our coats checked in we made our way inside and immediately saw our friend Gail waving us over to bistro table where she sat with her partner. The party was held in the garage of a luxury car dealership owned by parents of a student.  The garage decor was faux outdoor fresco setting complete with stucco walls balconies overlooking the cobblestone floor. Ten foot workable lampposts and sconces perfectly place on the pseudo sidewalk where red and white striped awnings hung over makeshift offices and storefronts.  I failed miserably at not gawking at painted ceiling and décor stretching my so far back I was lightheaded.  The high ceiling provided an excellent acoustics for the live jazz band as bobbed heads and tapping feet were seen from corner to corner. 

There were no expectations for the party, we are opened minded people who are ready for anything and fully accept everyone for who they are and what they believe. We pride ourselves in the diversity of our friendships and how organically they are created and developed. We read everything from Franz Kafaka to John Girsham.  But all that goes out of the window when the uncomfortable truth of a fear is realized. While having a great glass of red wine and nibbling on a gourmet grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, a parent plainly asked, “So what do you think about all the sex and drugs that’s going on at school?”

Now my wife and do not have our heads buried in the sand nor do we think that these things never ever happen in high school, but when the statement was posed and left lingering for a response, we were caught off guard. We believe in the safety and protection of a boarding school and the constant assurance that our children are safe. I at least, mistakenly interpreted safe to mean protected and void of all the dangers hazards, risks, and threats outside the school walls I forgot to consider the dangers within the school. My wife however, has not. When she trusts others it is because they have earned hertrust. And it was too soon to even consider trusting an institution that kept her daughter from living at home, albeit our choice.

We treaded carefully on the question posed and considered all the options before answering so our immediate reaction was a bit aloof in hopes of getting more information.  Oh, was the only reaction my wife had, I could tell that was all she could offer at the time so I asked what sex and what drugs. Apparently some freshman girls are engaging in lewd acts with boys and by lewd she meant, well let’s say lewd. The drugs belonged to a junior who was expelled for selling on campus. These things happen on almost every campus of every high school in the union, this I know. But what shook my wife and me to the core and tossed us off our rockers in addition made me question how non-judgmental I thought I believed I am, was the reaction of a parent that thought it was acceptable behavior for freshman girls to freely explore their sexual freedom.  I am liberal, but I am not crazy.

My wife and I were appalled and dare I say prudish and a bit starchy at the comment. But before I justify our stance, what do fifteen year old girls really know about sex? Most people believe that the absence of intercourse is the absence of sex. Sex is sex no matter what form you choose to express it. Whenever sexual organs are involved in an exchange of activity in my opinion it is sex. We often grant ourselves permission to validate what we want in spite of knowing better - having the extra piece of cake – we had a great workout, get drunk – we had a tough week. We can justify any wrong we want and find a plethora of people that would support our rationales. But we must stand firm in what we believe at all times without wavering. We may consider the other side even if it goes against the core of what we believe, and we should try to understand the opposing  view, but even that may be difficult.

The difficult part in all this for me, is that even this liberal free thinking parent is entitled to her opinion and I must admit she is correct. People are most certainly allowed to freely express themselves however they seem fit to do so. We are a free democratic society and it is not up to me to tell you how to live and express your life. The lesson I learned from this exchange is that I can call myself opened minded all I want, that I can say that I support all people and their personal beliefs,  but when it interferes with my personal principles I have a problem, I need to fix that. But I do not want to fix it so much that I stray away from my personal ideas and notions on what I think it is to express yourself. I just want to accept just because you are right, does not mean that i am wrong.