Last fall I read an online article in the Huffington Post about a father from London who wrote an eight paragraph email to his three children. In his email he thought about his parenting style and took responsibility for his children’s failures albeit he provided them with a stable home and a proper education. He went on to say that by sitting on the sidelines and adopting a “fashionable philosophy of not interfering, letting our children find themselves” may have led to the choices that now plague their lives and label them, at least in their father’s view, as failures.
I applaud the father for his courage. Admitting that you failed as a parent is something that frightens me to the core. I assume that the lessons I teach our daughter will be lasting lesson that will help her make the right choices later in life. Like all parents, everything we do is because of and for our child. Just think about it, how many parents have given up on their dream vehicle to only drive mini-vans or SUV’s. We love our children and all we really want for them is perpetual happiness. But happiness comes with hard work and direction.
At times we must get tough with our children and somehow convince them that what they are about to do or want to do may not be the right decision. Letting a child live without guidance inevitably creates adults with no focus or direction. We have to convince our children that we have already lived past the moment they are about to walk through. It’s an unnerving task having to tell the truth to your child. But the truth must be said if our goal is to ultimately have happy children.
Everyday parents have the scary responsibility of making daily choices that will inevitably have lasting results on our children. We have to monitor their health, their education, their clothing style even the music and television shows. To accept the “fashionable philosophy” of letting children do what they want to do is not the type of parents neither I nor my wife want to be. I refuse to sit on the sidelines. Our daughter’s life literally depends on our utmost involvement. I’m not just talking about showing up for plays, field hockey games or taking her to the doctors when she’s ill. I am talking about guidance. I am talking about managing her life, finding out what she wants to do and make sure that the path is clear while she does the work. Of course there will be obstacles that only she will be able to overcome, but as managers, our role should be to direct the course. Much like a ship’s Captain. He will guide the ship to the exotic island, but once you reach the island, it is up to the individual to complete the excursion.
Everyday parents have the scary responsibility of making daily choices that will inevitably have lasting results on our children. We have to monitor their health, their education, their clothing style even the music and television shows. To accept the “fashionable philosophy” of letting children do what they want to do is not the type of parents neither I nor my wife want to be. I refuse to sit on the sidelines. Our daughter’s life literally depends on our utmost involvement. I’m not just talking about showing up for plays, field hockey games or taking her to the doctors when she’s ill. I am talking about guidance. I am talking about managing her life, finding out what she wants to do and make sure that the path is clear while she does the work. Of course there will be obstacles that only she will be able to overcome, but as managers, our role should be to direct the course. Much like a ship’s Captain. He will guide the ship to the exotic island, but once you reach the island, it is up to the individual to complete the excursion.
For our daughter, she made the choice to want to go to Boarding School. It was a tough choice, so my wife and I did the research. There were tests that she had to take, essays that needed to be written and interviews to be conducted. While we made the preparations of extra study sessions, reviewed her essays and did mock interviews, she had to do it on her own. Her success I firmly believe was due to her intelligence, perseverance and dare I say parental guidance. I want to stay involved in our daughter’s life and when she begins to stray, to point her in the right direction. If she still chooses to not listen, and I realize that may be a possibility, it won’t be because my wife and I decided to sit on the sidelines.
In regards to the father who wrote the letter to his children outlining their personal failures, I’d say to him, kudos for realizing that sitting on the sidelines was the wrong thing to do, but you still have a chance to get involved to be a manager by helping your children make the right choices for your grandchildren. Maybe they were waiting for you to do so all along.
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