First Round - Knock Out

There is a constant struggle for independence brewing in our daughter which conflicts with our need to keep her forever young. The child you've reared and influenced suddenly appears before you in unfamiliar clothes listening to headache pounding music and fiercely ready to live in the scary world you tried to protect her from. It appears that everything you fought for and against stands before you in full contradiction making a mockery of the years it took to create a seemingly perfect child. You've done everything right, and remained true to your traditions and ideology. You incidentally taught her lesson on how to share, which for an only child seemed like a contradiction of sorts, taught her to pray, be kind to others, to be punctual, love music, sports and to freely move in the direction the universe instructs.  You have carefully guided her steps providing sage advice along the way. Gone are the days when no matter what you suggested their response was always a resounding yes. Waffles for dinner– extra syrup please!


This past school year was a season of growth, of compromise and of surrender mixed with the continuous sting of being a boarding school parent.  The growth, I believe, was a mutual awareness of the inevitable independence they seek and to define those boundaries. For what a child describes as freedom I have quickly learned is not what a parent necessarily believes. The school year is coming to a screeching halt and as our daughter prepares for her finals, I am astounded on how quickly the time has gone. September only seemed like a few weeks ago. There were times when we had to figure out how to balance school life and home life. Of course we wanted her home immediately following the last class on Friday. But for our daughter who had spent the week in classes from eight in the morning and finishing at nine-thirty study hall, Friday night meant finally being able to hang out with friends. It took a few weeks for us to figure out that she had a life apart from ours.  The surprise is that I enjoy watching her grow and experiencing every stage of her life from the other side. We enjoy the discovery of how she views the world and learn from her perspective and I know that she listens to ours. She may never admit it, but I know she thinks we are smart.

I think that children become strong adults by finding their space in their family, fighting for their independence and being obedient to what their spirit is telling them, which usually contradicts our wants.  To understand a child is to listen to them and have a response, not always the response they are looking for, but a response that lets them know I heard you and I understand what you are telling me. I am not afraid to be a parent, to discipline, to hug, to cry with my child. I just want to be available.  I want to always let her know that she can count on me and that when I do not have the answers I will attempt to try.

She has grown this past year, she is more confident, smarter, independent and wiser. She doesn’t tell us everything about herself, but leaves clues in the conversations we have. She has new friends from with new ideas that mesh perfectly.  I like who she is and the struggles we go through to figure it out.