(November 21, 2013) I just finished combing through my emails and
came across a Holiday Greeting video that was sent out from my daughters
school. It was a video of students and faculty passing a basket of food to one another
and carrying it from location to location while staff and students
expressed statements of personal gratitude. The video was well produced and edited
to capture the beauty of the campus on a perfect autumn day. I watched the video move from hand to hand
listening to the statements of gratitude most of which were the typical thankful
form my family, for the students, for my friends, to play sports, you get the
idea. The music that accompanied the video was familiar and kept my interest.
But suddenly midway through the video I noticed that the basket was passed to
my daughter. I was slightly taken aback but equally proud to see her. She was
on the patio of Bettye’s Place, an on campus store. I was fixated on her and
smiled broadly waiting to hear what she was thankful for. Would she be thankful
for her parents, her school, or her family? As she reached for the basket with
both hands she turned to the camera smiled broadly and said, “I am grateful for my
big thighs and curly hair!” My immediate response was a giant burst of laughter.
It was a perfect response. I rewound the video over and over smiling each
time. “…big thighs and curly hair…” I smiled so wide my heart cheeks ached.
My brother-in-law called to say
that he had seen the video and thought that it was cute. It certainly wasn’t a
response that I was waiting for, but nonetheless it was perfect. In a time when
young girls are fighting images of pseudo perfection my daughter, my wife’s
child, our child, is grateful for her body. Too often we compare ourselves to
images that are not realistic and even though we know that we can never ever
achieve perfection somehow we are drawn to those false images. We talk a good
talk in accepting everyone exactly how they are, but I even find myself wanting
to get into shape so that I can achieve the perfect six pack abs one day. And
yes, men notice other men who have six packs. Being comfortable with who you are even with
the parts of us that makes us uncomfortable is to achieve acceptance which is
different from surrender. Self-approval is important it fuels our ego but too much
or too little is damaging and contrary to a healthy stance in life. When you
surrender you have given up, nothing matters so no change will result. Acceptance
can mean that you know your situation and when you are ready you will do something different. If big thighs and curly
hair is what you have and are content with it, BE IT, all of it. But there is nothing
wrong with straightening your hair either. Listening to my daughter say that she is grateful for her body does my heart good. She is different and being different
is a gift.
I think Jenniefer Lawerence siad it best in an interivew with Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer "The world has this idea that if you don't look like an airbrushed perfect model...you're not perfect. You have to see past it. You look how you look, you have to be comfortable. What are you going to do? Be hungry every single day to make other people happy? That's just dumb."
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