Start Anew

Christmas, or as it is known in layman's term, winter break is almost over. I must admit that this break was a well needed respite for the entire family. 2014 was a difficult year for all of us. It began with the death of my beloved brother Eddie, he was 49. His demons got the best of him and although he was a college graduate with and I.Q of131 a successful computer programmer with three children and a school teacher wife, he lost his battle to heroin. Ironically, it wasn't heroin that ended his life; it was what heroin took from him, his will to live. He gave up and although he was in recovery and going regularly to the methadone clinic, he was sad beyond sad. It was more like he was abysmally sad because he couldn't get back to his former life. It’s a long story but in the end his girlfriend, hence his divorce from his wife, found him in what appears to be an accidental overdose of the methadone. Sometimes I get stuck on the word accidental.

It was really hard driving to school to tell our daughter that her uncle had passed away. We went to the school on the pretense of telling her we were there to pick up her broken dorm refrigerator. It was true that it was in need of repair. When we called her to tell her we were on campus she was annoyed and I was pleased. She was being normal. It was an inconvenience for parents to randomly show up at school. How awkward. What I remember most about that day was the comfort she received from her cousin Gabriel when they coincidentally found each other outside of the dining hall. It was a simple gesture that revealed the most love between two friends. He simply stretched his arms and held her in his large frame until her sobs subsided. Because I don't believe in coincidence, God provided what she needed in that very moment. It was the outward display of the bond that I hoped for when the two began boarding school.

Our daughter was close to her uncle and we kept no secretes from her. She knew his issues and she saw firsthand where a life of bad choices can lead. She loved him nonetheless. That’s a great lesson. Love in spite of what you see, love for what you know to be true. I love the person our daughter is becoming.

Play Around

My daughter recently auditioned for a role in the upcoming school production of The Three Penny Opera. Ugg.  I never really heard of the play so I decided to do some research and what I found was interesting. Well not really interesting but more like complicated and uneasy. Like most people my research was done on the computer and according to Wikipedia it challenges “conventional thinking”, which is why I guess the play was chosen in the first place.

The story is about Mack the Knife, a hustler who marries Polly Peachum only after a five day courtship. Polly is the daughter of the master hustler who is displeased with his daughter’s decision. The father wants to have Mack the Knife hanged because of the interruption in his plans to create a better life for his daughter. The story is sprinkled with dicey characters and spicy dancing set in the seedy part of Victorian London.

When I visited with my daughter this past weekend she told me of the story and the song she sang in her audition. The discord on my face was enough for her to tell me that I should let mother to see the play and only upon her approval should I attend the second night. I guess mother is more of a conventional thinker than I am.

Being a conventional thinker from my understanding, has a negative connotation. It means that you lack creativity and cannot think beyond traditional ideas and usually conform to what already exists instead of the potential for different. Simply said conventional thinkers don’t like to upset the apple cart. But sometimes, especially at my age, being conventional is not a bad thing.

After my research I felt, and still do, that The Three Penny Opera is too much for high school students no matter how progressive the thinking. I do believe that it is a bit permissive and should only left to adults, those 18 and older. Having children in adult roles seems to be the new norm. Just look at the reality shows and the way musicians dress. It is acceptable to continuously challenge others. Interestingly I agree.

Last year I sat through the school production of Goodnight Desdemona Good Morning Juliet. It was well acted and the stage scenery was exceptional, worthy of Broadway, or at least maybe off Broadway. The students performed their roles with conviction to the character they were responsible for portraying. It was obvious that they had worked hard and thoroughly enjoyed being on stage. The problem I had was the vulgarity they were asked to display. I know vulgarity is subjective especially when it comes to art. I know for sure I was not the only adult in the audience that felt a bit uncomfortable with the language and gestures “acted out” in the name of art. But really, did the part call for this type of acting? There are several ways to convey a message without the tasteless display of one self-groping publicly on stage.  But I guess that is what the non-conventional thinker does, provoke emotion to express their point of view, to carry the message with full vigor so that you fully understand the sentiment without question.

Consequently, the problem befalls upon the conventional thinker.  Because of course it is only the conventionalist who has the problem. I mean really everyone else is laughing, why aren’t you?

There is a dichotomy of sorts brewing in me.

On one side I believe that the freedom of expression, the full expression of who you are sexually, spiritually and artistically should be applauded and encouraged. To suppress ones ideas and belief is a form of control and bondage. I believe that you are born into your sexuality and as children you should express and develop into the person you are meant to become. On the flip side, I do not believe that children should take on adult roles for any situation. A parent should not leave children to raise themselves or make grown up decisions. We are parents first, not friends. Nor should parents live vicariously through the child.  I want my daughter to be a non-conventional thinker. I want her to feel comfortable in her body and her choices. More importantly, I want her to express herself the way she wants, not the way she is told. That includes school plays.

My point is, express yourself, just do it with style and class. Be Audrey Hepburn!!

The play is scheduled for December. I guess more to come.

Newbie on Board

Today I spoke with a single mother whose only child wants to go to Boarding School. I was given her name by my co-worker. I was surprised at my eagerness to speak with her so I dialed the number without any agenda, just the desire to share my thoughts and impart my boarding school wisdom on this newbie. I felt prepared to answer almost any question presented and felt that my personal experience was all she needed to hear to make her feel better.

There is a funny thing that happens to people who share similar events. Things that seemed large and obscure now appear to have definition and can be described in ways that only the person who the same exact personal event can only understand.

I listened to Karen tell me how remarkable her daughter was doing in her current school and her involvement in community events and the strides she was taking to ensure her success not just now, but for her future. She explained how she wanted her daughter to go to boarding school but struggled with the idea of having her leave home. Familiar pangs began to unsettle in my heart for her. Her words were familiar and I sat quiet reminded of what I convinced myself of three years ago. In order to have extraordinary children you have to present them with extraordinary opportunities.

Karen was standing at alarming precipice she had never considered. She asked herself the same questions I had asked myself. AM I CRAZY!!!  She is my only child, how can I possible let her go? Alone in the world to fend for herself, without me she cried.  I listen to Karen lament about the tuition which for a single mother is an exorbitant amount of money. Hell, it’s an exorbitant amount of money for my wife and I. Especially now that my wife has lost her job. But that’s another story.  

Karen wasn’t looking for advice. She was searching for someone who had gone through what she was about to go through. She was searching for someone to tell the where the landmines were placed. To show her how to navigate the ship she already knew had left the port in her daughters head. There was not turning back, there was no convincing her that there were other schools.  Attending Boarding School I now believe is a calling, a vocation to commit to a new way of life that demands the best from you. Those who hear the calling and accept the challenge are ready to be transformed into the person they want and are meant to become in the world. They may not get exactly everything, but they are at least willing to try.

I will remind Karen in our future conversation, and I am sure there will be plenty, that her child is special. That she made a conscious choice to do something different and that it was her child’s spirit that is leading her in the direction she is meant to go.  Her job, like mine, and as I have mentioned numerous times before, is to be the guide and the constant in her life.