The Other Side

This morning I called my good and trusted friend whose daughter attends boarding school with my daughter. We were trying to decide if we should bring them home for the weekend. I know, first I’m crying because she’s gone and now I’m thinking that bringing her home is the wrong thing to do, the dichotomy of parenthood. 

There are always two sides to every situation. Sometimes we are too selfish to see it both ways.  We believe what we believe and stand firm on our beliefs. A new perspective sometimes makes us think and feel that we are doing something wrong, going against the grain from what we are used to doing. In an article I read over the summer, a born-again Christian taxi driver had a Rabbi as his passenger, this by no means is a setup for a joke, really. The born-again Christian wanted to know why after so much praying his wife not had the same level of devotion as he did. He told the Rabbi that his wife believed in God and respected his way of worship, but she preferred a quieter form of praise, being vocal about her belief just wasn’t for her. How could someone who “truly loved the Lord’ not want to shout it from the rooftops. The Rabbi considered the cab drivers dilemma for some time and finally answered, “Just because your right does not mean that she is wrong.” 

Often times we fail to look at the other side and convince ourselves what we are doing is the only way, the right way, the way it needs to be for everyone else. We believe that if you do something against the norm you are wrong. I am guilty. We all are.

Today for lunch I decided to go to a local café I hadn’t visited in quite some time. I had previously befriended the owner and was happy to see a familiar face. I asked the owner about her daughter, a sophomore in high school.  She proceeded to tell me that her daughter attended a blue ribbon public high school in a very reputable city. She continued to offer that as a parent we must do what it takes to ensure quality education for our children. And although she did not live in that prestigious city, paying for quality education was justified.  Finally, I thought, another parent who understands. A parent who could appreciate the effort it takes to seek better opportunities for our children. Before me stood a parent who could see the other side of sacrifice and I was grateful for her sympathy.

After answering her question as to what high school my daughter attended, she turned her stance and retorted, “So you sent your daughter away? I could never do that.” I was bewildered at the response. The turncoat failed to realize like I had that that we are the same. She had to send her daughter out of district and pay for an education her daughter deserved. She has to travel twenty miles a day five times a week until June to provide her daughter with an education. That I wanted the same for my daughter did not matter. What did matter to her at that moment was she was right and I was wrong. I was wrong for not doing it her way, for not thinking like her. I felt the pang of anguish in my chest; my fellow ally had failed me. Once again I was alone.

But this time, I was prepared, I was ready. No longer was I going to allow anyone make me feel guilty for having my daughter attend a top boarding school. I smiled politely repeated what my trusted friend had just told me earlier today in our conversation when he was confronted by a sanctimonious parent. “You could never send your child to a boarding school because you have never been given the opportunity to even consider the option.” My statement was really mean and perhaps a bit snobbish. But I was okay because what I said next is really what I intended, "You never had to really consider every part of what it takes to send your child away to school." She finally understood, her silence told me so. I  am guilty.